Why do we love?

passed my auditions.thank God for tt.my life.i dun even noe what i haf is a life or not.i dun laugh as much as before.it's rarely i actually find something funny these days.In the past, i would've died of laughter with wadeva suz sae or be amused by amelia's unique perception of things. now...i can onli sae i hardly even feel like laughing with my friends.i feel kind of...empty.i've become distant with people whom i was close to,with band and the lit play keeping me busy.i dun even noe what are my real thoughts or feelings about anything.i'm becoming real superficial.like a hypocrite.the one thing i hated the most.i act like i dun care what others think of me,but in reality,i do.in fact,the reason for me being superficial most likely comes from the fact that i want others to have a good impression of me.And i say things that they like to hear, instead of what i truly feel, which is quite the opposite sometimes.i've been doing all sorts of things to try to get pple's admiration or attention.A posseur, that's what I am now.

i've put on a mask far too long to differentiate my actual feelings from what i shld feel.i can't even tell if i truly like a person as a friend, or do i take her for granted, and think i shld like her or what truly is my favourite colour now,or isit just because my it's popular among my friends, and i will get liked by them.i wonder are there any feelings left in me for my friends and family.i wonder more haf i been completely consumed by myself,that i neglect others around me.i tink tt's y loads of pple in sch snigger at me. they can't stand the sight of me.some plastered fake smiles to their faces,others had genuine smiles but i cld no longer tell the difference .i hope i can re-discover myself in ij.coz this is the school where this yearning to noe myself grew.and i hope to change all my bad points. i want to think of others before myself, and be humble and not complacent.i want to start getting some spirit into myself, and do something bcoz i feel like it,not bcoz it will make me look better in the eyes of others, and hold onto my own opinions and ideas,instead of bending easily to the will of others juz for the sake of popularity.

i know,to all who read this entry, will be horrified to know that i'm actually a selfish posseur who onli thinks of herself and trys to gain everything to her own advantage, without sparing any thought of others.I haf judged so many before, yet then i haf not judged myself.so here is my judgement of myself.I will understand if any of you decide not to be friends with me any longer.It's what i deserve.This truth is hard to admit for me, but finally,it's here.But it is a fact.Now i will try hard to be a better person.

may tomorrow be a better day for everyone.